


All I Saw Was You

by OnTheGround2012



Series: All I Saw Was You [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Alpha Derek Hale, Alpha Scott, Alpha Scott McCall, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Future, Amnesia, Angst, Assumptions, Attraction, Awkward Conversations, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fanart, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Life Changing Events, Love, M/M, Marriage, Mates, Memories, Memory Loss, Memory Related, Mpreg, Nervousness, Nobody is Dead, Original Character(s), Past Lydia Martin/Jackson Whittemore, Post S2, Questioning, Questions, Romance, Stiles and Jackson are happily married, Things will be explained as the story develops, Unexpected Events, jackson can't imagine his life without his husband, life is unpredictable, original child character - Freeform, there are three important original characters that will appear in future chapters, your life can change when you least expect it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 01:25:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2291831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnTheGround2012/pseuds/OnTheGround2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackson and Stiles are happily married until something happens and their lives are turned upside down. The fact is that everything can change when you least expect it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Saw Was You

**Author's Note:**

> Even if you find this story in 2017 or later, you should know that this is a very special story for me and I'd love to know what you think of it.
> 
> Thanks so much to:
> 
> * [bdrixhaettc](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BdrixHaettC/pseuds/BdrixHaettC) for her feedback, her help and convincing me to turn my scene into a story.  
> * [tryslora](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tryslora/pseuds/tryslora) for her awesome advice and support.  
> * [caileechristine](http://archiveofourown.org/users/caileechristine/pseuds/caileechristine%20) for her lovely feedback.  
> * Ijeongimiso for her awesome feedback and advice. This simply wouldn't have been finished without her.  
> * [ LennaNightrunner](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LennaNightrunner/pseuds/LennaNightrunner) for her advice and her incredible job as a beta. She's just amazing and if it wasn't for her work I'd never have shared this story.
> 
> In case you have any feedback or question I'm also [otg2012](http://otg2012.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr.

   


 

 

 

 

 It's gotten easier. The truth is that the nurse could do it and there's no reason for him to do it except that he needs to.

The first time he wasn't sure what he was doing. It's not the same doing it to yourself than doing it to another person, but at this point, after so many days, Jackson thinks that nobody could do it better.

It's become his ritual. He feels the closeness he needs not to give up, to keep his hope up day after day. He can touch him, he can hold him as he expertly shaves him every morning. He can fix his hair and groom him as he talks to him and it keeps him sane and settles his wolf.

Most importantly, it's the only moment when he doesn't feel so utterly useless.

With his eyes closed he looks peaceful and beautiful. He's still there.

 

* * *

 

"Hello, I'm John, I'm your doctor and you're in a hospital. I need you to answer a few questions, okay? Can you do that?" he says quietly.

"Yes." He nods but looks uncertain. The doctor imagines that he's feeling kind of lost as he wonders where he is.

The doctor looks briefly at the chart he's holding. "Good. Could you tell me your name?"

"Stiles... Stiles Stilinski." He says with certainty.

"What year is it?" The doctor continues.

"2012." He says with conviction once again.

The doctor makes a note in the chart. "And how old are you?"

"Sixteen." The doctor writes down something else. "What's going on? Why am I here?" He's obviously totally confused.

"Stiles, it's okay," he says, trying to calm him. "I'm afraid you've been in a coma for three months."

"Wait, what?" No matter how hard he tries to remember what brought him here, he just can't. Nothing special happened.

"Yes, you were in an accident and you almost died. Your prognosis was very poor and still, here you are, awake and almost recovered by now. We need to run a few more tests but we think you're going to be okay. You don't need to worry." He says with a gentle expression.

"Is my dad here? Can I see him?"

"Yes, we called him as soon as you woke up. He's outside." The doctor puts down the chart. "But before you see him I must inform you that the traumatic brain injury you sustained because of the accident has resulted in retrograde amnesia."

Stiles raises both eyebrows. "What... What are you talking about? Amnesia?" Saying he's confused wouldn't start to describe how he's feeling right now.

"Yes, that's just what I said. I'm afraid you're experiencing long-term memory loss. We need to perform a few more tests like an Autobiographical Memory Interview to determine the gravity of your RA, but there's no doubt about the diagnosis according to the answers you just gave me."

He runs his fingers through his hair. "Shit..." Did he just say that out loud? "Sorry, doctor... I mean, how serious is it?" He just can't believe this shit is happening to him.

"Like I said, it's long term-memory loss. Stiles, you're not sixteen, you _are_ thirty."

Because of Stiles' face, he knows that he's freaking out, which was to be expected... Nobody takes it well. "What I want you to know is that this doesn't have to be a permanent condition. Many patients experience what we call a _spontaneous recovery_. These patients get their memories back eventually, so I want you to be positive... You need to do it as much for yourself as for your family." Stiles nods, which is always a good sign.

"Now, I know you must have a lot of questions and I'm going to leave that to your family, who will be more than happy to answer them. Wait a minute, I'll let them in."

"Okay," he sighs, "thanks, doctor." Hopefully his dad can fill in the gaps and help him to understand what the hell has happened.

 

* * *

 

"Doctor, how is he? Can we see him?" the sheriff asks expectantly as soon as the doctor meets them outside the room.

"Well, Stiles is awake and he needs to stay for a few more days, but he's going to be okay. We are confident he'll make a full physical recovery," he says with an optimistic tone.

"Thank you, doctor," Jackson says, "that’s great news." He just can't stop smiling. This is for sure one of the happiest moments of his life.

"Can we see him?" Scott asks as he rests his hand on Jackson's shoulder.

"Yes, but before you do, there's something you should know." His expression and his tone turns more serious. "I'm afraid he thinks he's sixteen."

Jackson shakes his head. "He lost his memory?"

"He's suffering from what we call post-traumatic amnesia or retrograde amnesia because of the head trauma he sustained. Now, I'm not saying that this has to be a permanent condition. This kind of amnesia is often temporally graded which means that remote memories are more easily accessible than events occurring just prior to the trauma."

"But..." There's a hitch in his breath, "he will remember, won't he?" Jackson wishes he didn't sound as desperate as he does.

"I'm sorry, but we don't know," he answers, shaking his head. "In cases like his, it's impossible to predict what's going to happen. The events nearest in time to the accident may never be recovered. While there is no actual cure for this condition, _jogging_ his memory by exposing him to significant moments and things from his past often speeds the rate of recall."

"Oh, no." The sheriff feels like he can't breathe and there is some dampness at the corners of his eyes. Hasn't his son been through enough?

"So like I said, you _can_ help him," the doctor continues confidently. "Talk to him and help him to remember, it could accelerate the healing process. You need to stay optimistic."

"We understand. Thank you, doctor," the sheriff says. He swallows against the tears and blinks them away.

Jackson is trying his best to stay calm and collected but he's doing a terrible job. He feels his eyes glowing in response and he turns around immediately and walks away, but not before Scott sees it.

"You can go inside, two at a time, please," says the doctor before he leaves.

Scott goes after him. "Jackson!" He finally reaches him and grabs his arm, squeezing lightly. "Jackson, stop, remember what Deaton said, okay?" Scott’s and Jackson's relationship has changed a lot over the years. They're now friends and they've learned to trust each other. "Stiles needs you, now more than ever. And so does Daniel."

"I know." Jackson nods, but he doesn't look confident. He hasn't for a long time.

"You go," Scott says, looking at Jackson. It sounds more like an order than he intended. "I'll go next," he adds more gently.

Jackson looks down before looking at Scott again. "Okay." Scott hugs him like that night weeks ago. It is pack and reassuring. Scott knows it's what he needs. "Thanks." Scott pats him on the shoulder and they walk back towards the sheriff. Scott stays outside as the sheriff and Jackson enter the room.

 

* * *

 

"Dad!" It's the first thing the sheriff hears as he comes into the room with Jackson behind him.

"Son," he says as he quickly approaches the bed, kisses Stiles' forehead and takes his left hand. "I'm so glad you're awake! We were so scared." He runs his fingers through his son's hair. "Thank god you're okay. How are you feeling?" he says expectantly.

Stiles smiles. "I'm okay. I feel... I feel normal. I don't know what... The doctor said I was in a coma and I have amnesia... What happened, Dad?" He waves his arms. "Why am I here?"

The sheriff does look a little bit older. He's aged well, but his face is not like the last time he saw him. There are a few wrinkles around his eyes and he's also lost some hair.

The sheriff reaches out and holds his right hand. "Son, you were in a car accident three months ago and like the doctor said, you've been in a coma since then." He doesn't want to remember that night when for a while he didn't know if Stiles was dead or alive. "I've been very worried. We all were..." he says, turning to his left to look at Jackson. "We didn't know if you were ever going to wake up." He hadn't felt more helpless in his life.

That's when Stiles seems to realize that there's somebody else in the room. It's not just his dad; Jackson is next to him and he seems afraid to move, he seems afraid to say something. He doesn't have a smirk on his face. He's looking kind of lost.

Besides, he's not the Jackson he remembers. Like his dad, he also looks older and he's lost that kind of confident look he always carried with him. His features are still beautiful, but he looks thinner and tired.

"What's he doing here?" Stiles points at him with his free hand.

And Jackson is just wondering the same thing. What is he doing there? He can scent the anxiety and confusion coming from Stiles and it is driving his wolf crazy. He can't do any of the things he wants to do, any of the things his wolf is urging him to do. He can't go close to him and kiss him, he can't hug him, he can't tell him he loves him, that he thought Stiles was going to leave him, that he thought he might never open his eyes again.

Jackson fixes his eyes on him. "Stiles... I missed you..." There's a hitch in his breath, "So much." That's all he can think to say. A tear is rolling down his cheek before he can stop it. He's frozen. He's speechless.

Stiles raises both eyebrows and throws his hands wide. "Are you _kidding_ me?" It's all Stiles can say because he doesn't understand anything. His dad and Jackson of all people tearing up by his hospital bed. Something is definitely not right in this picture.

"I'm sorry." Jackson sniffs. "I thought I could do this but..." He shakes his head "I just, I can't," Jackson says as he heads to the door and leaves the room. He passes Scott as he walks fast along the corridor without a word. Scott thinks about going after him again, but as he's learned during these months, sometimes Jackson just needs to be left alone. So instead, he decides to enter the room.

Stiles' face brightens as he sees his friend coming in. "Scott!" He grins.

An older Scott with some stubble, longer hair and a big smile approaches the bed.

"Stiles! Hi. I'm glad you still know who I am." He says as he comes even closer and places his hand on his shoulder.

"Of course I do." He smiles. "I've forgotten some years but I remember stuff... Actually, I'm okay, I feel totally fine and I wanna go home. Can we go home, Dad? Like... _right now_? Please?"

The sheriff releases his hand and decides to take a seat on a chair next to the bed. "Stiles, I wish you could, but it's not that easy, okay? You need to stay for a few more days and besides, there are some things you need to know first."

"Dude, why are you all acting so weird? You're freaking me out!" He waves his arms. What was he doing here? “There's something you’re not telling me..." He looks at the sheriff and later at Scott. "Spit it out already!"

The sheriff and Scott look at each other like they don't know who is the best one to explain it.

"Okay, Stiles," the sheriff starts. "Son, the thing is that, like the doctor told you, you're thirty."

"Just like me." Scott continues. "You went to college and you work as a graphic designer... a fucking great one... and actually, you have your own company now." He says with an optimistic tone.

"Okay... I... that's actually… _not_ bad. I'm successful. Successful is good." At least he hasn’t wasted all those years.

"Yes, you are." The sheriff is glad to see that Stiles is taking it reasonably well.

"Uhh..." Stiles tilts his head, "anything else important I should know?

Scott and the sheriff look at each other, not sure about the best way to start.

"Okay... so," Stiles frowns, "what's going on?" He shrugs. "What are you _not_ telling me? ...Scott?"

Scott licks his lips. "Stiles... it's nothing bad, okay? We just weren't sure how to tell you, but yeah, you're married, you've been married for five years and you’re happy... you're _very_ happy... Jackson, he makes you happy, he loves--"

" _Jackson_?" Stiles, interrupts him as he raises both eyebrows and looks at Scott with total disbelief. "What the _fuck_ are you talking about?" He's clearly freaking out... He can even sense the start of a panic attack coming through.

"Stiles, I get it... we," he looks at the sheriff, "we really get it." Scott tries to calm him down. "After what you've been through and the way you remember things now, you may not... understand it right now, but Jackson _is_ your husband."

"Son," Stiles looks at the sheriff. "Scott’s right, you got married five years ago and he was here before because he hasn’t left your side since the accident. He doesn't listen... not to me, not to Lydia, not to Danny, not even to..."

But this doesn't make any sense. The last thing he remembers is Jackson being with Lydia after he turned into a wolf. They loved each other and Stiles was never a member of Jackson's fan club. This just cannot be. It's not possible.

Scott can see his face and he knows he's not going to believe them.

"Check out your left hand, okay?" He points at Stiles' hand. "Have a look if you don't believe us."

And sure enough, there it is, a silver ring that he's never seen before. It has two bands of different colors, blue and brown. It is beautiful.

"Oh my god." He keeps staring at his hand like it's a separate part of his body... like it belongs to somebody else. But... it is true. He is fucking _married_... to Jackson, to a werewolf.

"Yeah..." Scott smiles. "You're not supposed to wear it here, but Jackson is the lawyer of the chief of staff and you know, he _usually_ gets what he wants. He can be very... _persuasive_ when he wants to be."

Stiles just can't stop staring at that thing. "He thought it was important. That it... kept you _connected_ somehow." Scott shakes his head. "I have no idea if it's a wolf thing or just a Jackson thing."

The sheriff takes out his phone, going through the pictures there. "This was three weeks ago." He hands it to Stiles once he finds what he was looking for.

Stiles grabs the phone and looks at the picture for a few seconds. "Who's this?"

"Daniel," Scott replies this time. "He's your son. That was at his third birthday party at my place, mine and Allison's."

Stiles frowns and looks at Scott. "Why at your house?"

"He's been... staying with us since the accident. Jackson’s been here. He didn't need to ask, we were more than happy to take him in." Scott looks at the sheriff before looking back at Stiles. "We convinced him to have a party. It's been..." he waves his arm, " _hard_ for him, y’know?" But no, he doesn't know. That's the problem.

Stiles tries to process al this information as he goes through the different pictures and next there's one with Scott, Allison, Daniel and a little girl.

"Who's she? Is she... your daughter?" Because she looks a lot like Allison and he can see some parts of Scott in her as well.

"Yeah, she's Andrea, she's four. She and Daniel, they’re like siblings." Scott smiles.

"She's beautiful."

"I know." Scott knows he has a big stupid smile on his face but he can't help it... He has the most beautiful child in the world.

Next he finds a picture of Jackson holding Daniel when they were about to cut the cake and it just gets to him... "Daniel, he looks... so much like him." Because they do, they have the same blue eyes, the same eyebrows, the same chin... their resemblance is undeniable. "He’s... cute." He doesn't know what to say. He's not sure he sees himself in his features but he is adorable, there's no denying that.

"Yeah, he is," Scott says smiling, "you got yourself a mini Whittemore, he's a great kid. He always asks about his daddy. He misses you." Scott knows Jackson would like him to be sure of that.

"He's got your smile and your personality, though. He's just like you when were you were little... He's a smart and happy kid." The sheriff says with obvious pride in his voice.

"But how...?" He looks at his dad because he's not sure how to ask. "How did we...? Did he...?" His dad is looking at him like he _knows_ , like he sees what he's trying to say... and so is Scott.

"Stiles, he knows _everything,_ he found out before we graduated." Scott reassures him.

"It’s a _long_ story and I promise to tell you all about it," his dad says, "but yeah, you told me... you told me about the werewolves, the kanima, the hunters, your pack. You told me the whole thing and well, I didn't believe you at first, but things got complicated and like I said, it's a long story."

"So you know that Jackson’s a werewolf?" He throws his hands wide. "You _know_ that I'm _married_ to a wolf who used to _kill_ people and you're okay with it?" Incredulity is obvious in his voice. He's woken up in an alternate universe. That's what this feels like.

"Son, I've known everything for fourteen years now. Of course it's okay. You love him and he _loves_ you. He carried my grandson and he's..." He stops himself abruptly because he's not sure if he's supposed to say... maybe it's not right... it should be Jackson telling him but they've never discussed this.

Stiles looks at Scott, who is looking suspiciously at his dad and neither of them seem to be going to say another word. "I know that look, Scott, what's going on? What are you two hiding?"

" _We_ are _not_ hiding anything," Scott defends himself. "We aren't." But he's aware that he didn't sound as convincing as he wanted to.

"Come on, it's written all over your face. Scott, you're _terrible_ at keeping secrets... you've always been… well, except maybe werewolf secrets... but dude, there's something you're not telling me and since I can't remember the last fourteen years of my life, the least that you two can do is be honest with me, okay?" He looks at Scott and later at his dad. "No secrets," he says shaking his head.

And Scott knows he's bad at this. "Okay, okay..." He looks at the sheriff, who gives him the go ahead signal. "I guess you have to find out anyway." He sighs. "What your dad was going to say is that Jackson... well, that he's pregnant. He told you during dinner the night of the accident. You left Daniel to sleep over at my place and went to a restaurant. It was on your way back when you had a car accident."

Stiles covers his face with his hands and sighs. He wishes he could remember... anything... something.

"Needless to say, Jackson sued the driver’s ass all the way to jail," Scott continues.

Stiles snorts and can't stop the smile on his face because yes, he has no problem imagining that.

"Stiles, there's something else you should know. You’re not just Jackson's husband, you’re also his mate. Just like Allison is mine, you’re his."

And Stiles thought he couldn't be surprised anymore. He's speechless.

"You know what I mean, right?"

Stiles sighs, "Yeah, I lost my memory, but I do know what you’re saying." This is just one more unbelievable thing. "I've seen the pictures and I see the ring and I believe you... but it still feels like it happened to somebody else. It doesn't feel like _my_ life, y’know?"

"We know, Son. We know how difficult this must be for you."

"I'm gonna need time to process all this." That is probably the understatement of the year.

"Obviously. Take all the time you need," the sheriff says quietly.

"Yeah, absolutely..." Scott agrees, "but you should talk to Jackson. He's been through a lot and you need to talk."

Stiles frowns. "But Scott, I don't know what to tell him. I imagine that if we're together he's not the asshole he used to be, which means I don't know him... like, at all. I think talking to me will only hurt him more."

"Then you can get to know him again. I'm telling you, if you’d died that night, I don't even know what he would’ve done. You're his _mate_ now. You may not think so but he... he thinks it's forever. You have to at least try. He deserves that much."

"This is insane." He waves his arms. "How is this my fucking life?"

"Stiles, I'm sorry, I'm your best friend and you know I love you, but I have to tell you... nobody forced you to date Jackson and nobody forced you to marry him, okay? _You_ agreed to be his mate and _you_ wanted to have kids with him, so I'm sorry if you have forgotten all that, but those were your decisions, _you_ made them and now you’re gonna have to deal with them." He gets a little closer to the bed. "He loves you more than his own life, so you’re gonna have to suck it up and talk to him. He blames himself for fuck's sake! He thinks it's _his_ fault you’re here and he needs a fucking break. I mean," Scott tilts his head and waves his arm, "have you seen him?" Scott runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face, "Have you _looked_ at him?" His voice breaks a little. "He's barely himself anymore."

"Scott’s right." The sheriff nods. "We know it's not easy, but you know you have to."

And as much he hates to admit it, if this is true, if this is _his_ life, then it's inevitable, he's gonna have to do it sooner or later.

"Okay, I'll do it... " Stiles nods. "I'll talk to him." He can see some relief in his dad and Scott's faces.

"That's good, Son. We'll tell him. We'll let you rest now."

"See you later, dude," Scott says as he holds his hand for a few seconds and the sheriff kisses his forehead before leaving, followed by Scott.

 

* * *

 

Jackson didn't know what he was expecting when he came into the room but he wasn't expecting to find Stiles looking at himself in the mirror that his dad had given him.

"Hey," he says as he approaches the bed.

"Hey." Stiles puts down the mirror and looks at Jackson.

Jackson frowns. "What... What were you doing?"

"What’d it look like I was doing? I'm checking out this older version of myself. One day I'm all pale skin and fragile bones and now I'm this _man_ with muscles and hair and everything... It is _weird_ not recognizing your own body, you know? God," He shakes his head. "I shouldn't be talking to you about my body, you've probably seen me naked hundreds of times and I don't even remember losing my virginity... It's so unfair... and embarrassing..." He's babbling and Jackson can't help but smile because he's missed it, he's missed his voice.

"Thousands." Jackson says without really thinking.

Stiles frowns. "What?"

"Not hundreds, I think by now I've seen you naked _thousands_ of times..."

"Oh my god..." Is he blushing? "Please stop..."

"You are not shy, you know? And I don't need to tell you that you enjoy sex..." Maybe Jackson is enjoying this more than he should. "And you love having sex with me," he continues as nonchalantly as possible. "You love undressing me..." he smirks.

"Okay, okay, that's enough. I believe you but shut up already... enough sex... stuff... just stop it!"

Jackson moves closer and his hand reaches up to grab Stiles, but Stiles sees it and quickly takes it away. When he looks up he can see the pain in Jackson's face even if he's probably trying to hide it.

Jackson takes a step back. "I'm sorry... I don't know what..." And here he thought he could do this. He told Scott and his father-in-law he could do it: have a normal conversation with Stiles to support him and help him. But maybe he said it too soon... maybe he's not as strong and such a good person as they think he is.

He turns around and covers his face with his hands and tries to calm himself. Then, he faces Stiles again. "You know what? I'm _not_ sorry. I'm not going to apologize for something that comes natural to me... _and_ to you, believe it or not. I know you don't remember it right now, but you _are_ in love with me and you love touching me, so excuse me if my first instinct when I see you awake after three months of pure agony is to hold your hand." Did he just said all that? Thank god the sheriff or Scott weren't there or they would have the right to kill him later.

All Jackson wants to do right now is touch Stiles and kiss him and it's taking all the restraint in the world to stay away. If he hadn't been a werewolf for so long now, he's not sure he'd be able to do it.

"God," Jackson walks around the room, "I shouldn't have said that." He shakes his head. "I came here because we obviously need to talk and I want to be understanding and patient... but what if I can't be? What if I'm not the kind of person you thought I was?"

"Jackson, please, don't freak out," Stiles says quietly. "I'm not stupid. I don't know you... _you..._ the current _you_ , but I trust my dad and Scott, and if they say you’re not the asshole I used to know, then it has to be true. They also say I married you, so..."

"Yeah, you did, but they lied... I can still be an asshole. Just not to you." He sits down in a chair a little apart from the bed. "I'm selective that way."

Stiles can't stop the smile forming on his lips.

"Jackson, I need to know... They said... they told me you blamed yourself for the accident."

"Yeah, well, they obviously talked too much." Jackson figured they would so he can't say he's surprised.

"No, I wanna know... What did they mean? You didn't cause the accident."

"Stiles. You can't remember. You don't remember _us_. Whatever I say now, I'm not sure you'd get it, okay? It seems stupid... pointless."

"Try me?" Stiles insists.

Jackson seems to be considering it. "If you want me to get my memory back, you’re gonna have to start telling me all kinds of stuff." His voice is stronger now. "This is just one of those things. You need to start somewhere, right?"

"Okay..." But if he tells him, Stiles is going to hate him, he won't want him in his life. What is he going to do then? "It is my fault. You’re here, in this bed, because of me. And you don't remember us because of me."

"I think you've established that. Go on."

"I survived because I'm a werewolf. If I weren't, I don't think I'd be here right now."

He's not sure what the best way to say this is. Probably there isn't a best way... The facts are not going to change.

"The thing is that before we got married--and afterwards, but it started before--you said you wanted the bite. You knew Derek would do it, but you asked him anyway and he said that because you were going to be my mate that he needed my consent. Of course, your dad had known for years by then and he knew he couldn't stop you if that's what you wanted... but I didn't..."

"You didn't approve," Stiles realizes.

"No, I didn't." Jackson shakes his head. "Not then and not later."

"Why not?" Stiles wonders.

"Why not?" And this feels like _déjà vu_... "Let's see... god, we had this conversation so many times. How about the fact that you could’ve died? How about the fact that it turned me into a monster that _killed_ people? It’s totally unpredictable. I wasn't going to risk your life and our life together for some stupid desire. It didn't make any sense."

"Until the accident?" Stiles guesses easily.

"Exactly. Somehow I had the illusion that I can control everything and everyone around me. But that night... it was a real eye-opener. And I'm sorry... I'm sorry I didn't let you. When you're out of here, if you still want it, you can do it. I won't be against it anymore."

"The thing is," Jackson continues when Stiles doesn't say anything, "I know a part of you wanted it when we were in high school. You told me. You were jealous of Scott. Just like me, you wanted his abilities... but there was something pulling you back. You had something I didn't, and that's why I ended up being a killer while you and Lydia saved the day. Back then, you made the right decision."

"Jackson... I don't know what to say." This isn’t the kind of reason he was expecting for sure.

"You don't have to say anything. I was selfish. I _am_ selfish. I was just thinking how it would affect me instead of respecting your wishes. You thought I’d changed, but some things just never change, you know?"

"Well, if I married you, you must’ve changed, that much I can--"

"And I've just done it again, you know?" Jackson interrupts him, "this time I've done it to Daniel, because he needed me. I knew he did." Stiles can see the moisture at the corners of Jackson’s eyes. "He needed me these three months and I passed him to Scott and Allison and didn't take care of him like I should’ve. I wouldn't have celebrated his birthday if it wasn't for them and your dad. I just…" There's a hitch in his breath. "I couldn't leave you here. I'm a terrible father." Tears well up and spill over. “I’m sorry.”

“Jackson, I don’t remember if I told you this because, well, I’ve got fucking amnesia... but when my mother was in the hospital, I was living with my grandparents. My dad had to take care of her. She needed him much more than I did and I knew that. And Daniel, he’s just a kid, he’s not gonna remember anything, so don’t blame yourself for something that doesn’t matter.” For some weird reason he doesn’t understand, it hurts to see Jackson cry. "I'm better now. The doctor said I could leave soon, so you don't have to be here anymore. You should pick him up today and take him home."

"Yeah, you're right," He rubs the back of his hands against his eyes as fast as he can, he certainly didn't want to cry in front of Stiles or anybody else for that matter. "I know I should... but if I bring him home he's gonna ask about you again so I need to know what you're going to do. I need to know what to tell him this time. Have you thought about it at all?"

"Yeah, well, there’s not much to think about, is there? It’s obvious that I should go to your house.”

“ _Our_ house,” Jackson clarifies.

Stiles shakes his head because it’s not easy to remember. “Okay, _our_ house, because A, I’m thirty and apparently I have my own company so I’m not going back to my dad’s, and B, I have a son and I want my life back... and if there's any chance of getting my memory back I think it's more likely to happen if I get to know him... and you… if I get to know you two. Just, don't expect us to sleep in the same bed though because that's _so_ not happening..."

"I didn't expect you to..." he smiles briefly, "don't worry. I'll move my things to one of the guest rooms. You should stay in our bedroom."

"Okay. I guess we can do that. Thanks." Because what is he supposed to say? Awkward doesn't even begin to describe this crazy situation.

"It's your house, too. It's your home. It's where you belong," Jackson says with a calm tone.

The silence couldn't be more awkward and it feels terribly wrong to Jackson.

Stiles stares at Jackson. "Can I..." his gaze drops because he's not sure how to ask this exactly. "Can I ask you something?"

Jackson is still sitting in the chair and Stiles can't help but feel bad for him because he looks really tired.

"Sure." But he looks uncertain... almost afraid of what's coming. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, it's just..." Stiles looks away from Jackson, "I was just thinking..."

"Stiles, you're going to have to ask me a million things, okay? So just ask."

"Okay, I was just wondering, how the _hell_ did _this_ happen?" Stiles is looking at his ring and then moves his hand between both of them, like there could be any doubt about what he means.

Jackson closes his eyes and looks at his feet. This is a question he was not looking forward to answering any time soon because having to say it, having to explain it just makes it more real. Stiles doesn't remember him, he only remembers the guy who wasn't nice to him in high school, the guy who had a restraining order against him, but he doesn't remember their first kiss or their wedding, it's all gone and that's really hard to accept.

"Well, _this_..." he repeats Stiles hand gesture with his hand, " _us_... _started_ to happen a while after I finally turned. It’s complicated... but it's not at the same time. I mean, Lydia says that after what we went through it was supposed to happen, and she's smart, so you know, I'm not going to contradict her.”

“Lydia?” Stiles frowns. “How is she? Is she in Beacon Hills?”

“No, she came to visit you when you had the accident and she stayed for a week, but she lives in New York now. Her work is there and we didn’t know if your condition would change, so we convinced her to go back to work. Plus, I love her but after a week she was driving me crazy, so it was for the best."

"Anyway," Jackson gets up and starts pacing around the room, "coming back to your question..." Where to start exactly? "Well, it's a long story--"

"You see me, right? I'm not going anywhere," Stiles interrupts him.

"Yeah, I know." But it's difficult. He realizes that he's not ready for this. "Okay, so, you remember when I turned, right?"

"Oh, yeah. I've forgotten everything after that, but I still have a perfect vision of your epic love reunion with Lydia who, by the way, got there in time thanks to _me_." And for a moment Jackson is surprised to see the familiar smirk he's grown to love on Stiles’ face. He's too happy to see it again. It feels unreal.

"Well, a few months after that we had a _few_ problems with a pack of alphas. Don't worry, nobody died. Though Derek went through a really weird phase where he had a thing with a teacher who turned out to be a supernatural monster. It almost ended badly until we got it under control when Scott became an alpha and the bitch died."

Stiles raises his eyebrows. "Scott’s an alpha now?"

"Yeah, I forgot about it. You should probably ask _him_ about that. After that more _things_ happened and you were possessed by a Nogitsune--an evil Japanese fox spirit--and you killed some people." He's making an effort to explain this in the most nonchalant way possible but god only knows if that's gonna work. "If there's something good coming out of this it’s that you don't remember that anymore, because when it was over, it was killing you."

"Hang on a sec," Stiles waves his arms. "What’re you saying? You’re saying I _killed_ people?"

"Well, not really, I mean, technically it was you, but it wasn't you, it was the Nogitsune using your body. You didn't know what you were doing. You weren't yourself... it's like--"

"When you were the kanima?" Stiles finishes for him.

"Yeah." Jackson nods. "Exactly." It is still hard to remember that part of his life.

Jackson stops pacing and sits down before he looks at Stiles again. "You know, it took me a long time to get over it... to accept that I couldn't have done anything to stop it, and the same happened to you. It wasn't easy for either of us. Lydia and Derek tried to help me, but it didn't work. My parents didn't know what was happening to me and even tried to send me to London, where I think I would’ve died."

"So what happened?" Stiles is obviously curious now.

"Obviously I didn't go to London. I stayed here and tried to be a part of Derek's pack. But you know how I was back then, so it wasn't easy at first. I guess I wasn't very good at following orders."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Stiles sounds amused and Jackson wants to think that that is a good sign.

"Yeah, so, I was a mess and I made some bad decisions." It's hard to admit this but it's the truth. "And because of one of those decisions, we ended being kidnapped by one of Derek's enemies and we could’ve died."

Stiles doesn't know what to say. He's just silent trying to process all this crazy information.

"It was in the summer." He remembers perfectly how hot it was, how thirsty he was all the time. It was suffocating. "A family of hunters came to town to get revenge against Derek for something that happened years ago." He runs his fingers through his hair. "Hell, Derek barely remembered them. They set a trap for the pack and most of us escaped, but they got you and me and we were locked in a basement."

It was claustrophobic. He still remembers that feeling of being trapped in the darkness and that characteristic smell. He will never forget it. Maybe it would be a good thing if Stiles didn't remember what they suffered through those days.

"How did we get out?" Because if they are alive he guesses they were rescued or something.

"Well," Jackson licks his lips, "we didn't... for a week we didn't. We had been taken out of Beacon Hills and it wasn't until a week later when your dad and Derek finally found us."

Stiles can see that he's thinking carefully about what to say and how to say it, like he wants him to know but he's afraid that if he gives him too many details he might actually remember what they went through.

"So we were okay, then." It's more a question than a statement.

Jackson looks down at his hands. "Yes, yeah, we were okay. They found us and we went back home and--"

Stiles frowns. "All right, stop, hang on, dude. I thought you were gonna be honest with me, and you’re holding back now?"

Stiles has always been smart and he's always seen through Jackson's bullshit. The thing is that Jackson loves that about him so he's not surprised.

"I'm not." He's always been bad at lying and for some reason, he's always been even worse at lying to Stiles. He knows he's screwed. "We were okay, we were rescued and we were fine."

"Why I don't believe you?"

"I don't know." Even if he does. Perfectly. It's like one of those conversations they've had many times in the past.

Stiles is surprised as well. It's like he feels something he shouldn't, but something in the back of his mind is telling him that he knows. He knows Jackson and he knows when he's not being honest.

"Look, there are some things you don't need to know, okay?" He throws his hands wide.

"And who are you to decide what I need and don't need to know?" He crossed his arms in a defensive way as usual whenever they have an argument.

"I'm your fucking husband, that's who I am!" Jackson snaps, and Stiles sees that hurt look again, the one he saw the time he came into the room with his dad and he had to leave. "And I know you don't remember it and you don't care about me right now, but you did once and you need to start trusting me."

Stiles is left speechless for a moment because yes, he had totally forgotten.

"Shit." Jackson hides his face behind his hands for a few seconds before he can look at him again. "I'm just asking you to trust me. Can you do that? I _need_ you to." He might sound kind of desperate but at this point he couldn't care less. "Please."

"The doctor said I need to hear about the past if I want my memories back."

"I know. And I'm going to help you as much as I can, but there are some things that would only hurt you. I didn't want to tell you about the Nogitsune, but I knew I’d have to eventually, and I know it's pointless to try to deny that it happened."

Stiles seems to understand it since he nods and doesn't argue that point, so Jackson continues.

"What happened in that basement wasn't good." He still wonders how much he should say. "We were chained and we barely ate or drank for a week. There was a moment when we thought we weren't gonna make it." He closes his eyes as flashes of that day come back once again and he can almost feel the pain like it was yesterday.

"Were we…" Stiles isn’t sure if he's gonna get a reply to this but he continues anyway, "were we tortured?"

"Stiles..." Does he really need to know that?

"Jackson. I've been tortured before, okay?"

"I know." But not like that. "Yes, we were." It was terrifying. "But we survived, we moved on, and you shouldn't think about that anymore."

Stiles doesn't reply so Jackson decides to continue and focus on Stiles' original question.

"When we first arrived there you wouldn’t stop your usual babbling. It was annoying as hell. I remember thinking that it was like my worst nightmare come true. You kept saying how Derek would find us and we'd be out of there in no time, but I wasn't so sure about that. It's not that I didn't trust Derek, but it didn't look good."

Jackson plays with the ring on his finger, as he does whenever he's nervous.

"But they did find us. They killed everybody in that house and they saved us and that was it, another day saved by the Hale pack. And things kind of went back to normal after that. You needed more time to heal than me, obviously, but you did, physically you did. But psychologically? You really didn't, and neither did I."

"What? Did I lose it or something?"

"Well, I wouldn't say you lost it... but you had panic attacks and you couldn't sleep. You had nightmares, we both did." Jackson gets up and starts to walk to the front wall and back. "I think you should ask your dad... or Scott."

"And how did you know all this?"

"Well, I saw you having one of those panic attacks. The whole pack saw it so I talked to Scott and he told me about the nightmares."

"And that’s why this... _us_ happened? Because we were both..."

"Damaged?" Jackson finishes. "Yeah, you could say that. I visited you during your recovery and we used to game together and I guess that's how we became friends."

Stiles raises both eyebrows. "Friends?"

"Yeah, friends. Hard to believe, right?"

"I dunno, I guess it's just… weird?"

"It wasn't weird at the time. After what happened, we weren't the same people. Things changed."

"I guess."

Jackson is silent after that, and Stiles isn’t sure what to say... so he says what's he's been wondering all along.

"Okay. So we became friends, that's all great, but how did _this_ happen?" he says, lifting the hand with the ring.

"That's..." Jackson is not sure he should go there so soon, he can just see Stiles' expression when he explains it and he's not looking forward to it. "Can we leave that for tomorrow... or another day? The doctor said not to give you too much information at once, and you need to rest. I'll see you tomorrow and we can keep talking."

Jackson looks tired and Stiles doesn't feel like actually pushing more. Besides, he does feel like his head is about to explode after all the day he's had.

"Yeah, okay. Are you picking up Daniel?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna bring him home." Jackson gets up and moves closer to the bed, "I think it's time. He'll be really happy to know you're coming back." He's not sure what to do since he can't kiss him goodbye or do anything else he'd usually do. "So... I'll see you tomorrow morning. Sleep well. I'll tell Scott to come in. I'm pretty sure he's waiting outside."

The whole thing is so awkward, all Stiles can come up with is, "Okay, thanks, see you tomorrow."

When Jackson comes out, Scott is in the waiting room checking something on his phone, and Jackson sits next to him.

Scott is obviously very curious. "So, how’d it go?"

"How did it go? Let's see..." He rests his head on the wall behind him and closes his eyes. "I don't know, I freaked out when I realized he won't let me touch him, and I basically told him I have the right to withhold information because I'm his fucking husband..." He opens his eyes and looks at Scott. "So I guess _disaster_ would be the best word to describe it."

"Sorry, man. I'm sure you did your best, though. And this isn’t easy."

"No, it _really_ isn't. I suck at this... I suck at being understanding and whatever the hell you have to be to deal with this fucked up situation."

"If it's any consolation, I don't think I'd do it much better than you. Nothing can prepare you for something like this."

"Oh, and I had to tell him the whole thing about the bite. Thank you very much." His tone is pretty casual for Jackson's standards so Scott knows that he's not really upset about that. "I also had to tell him about the kidnapping... at least my version of it. So now he also knows that you’re an alpha and you're going to have to explain that to him."

Scott nods but doesn't say anything. "How did he take it? The kidnapping, I mean..."

"Well, he's Stiles. He's more surprised about us becoming friends than about him being possessed by a supernatural being." It's infuriating.

"Yeah," Scott smiles, "that’s Stiles."

"It's just so hard." Jackson looks down. "To look at him and know that you’re a stranger to him... or even worse, to see that he doesn't even like you." He snorts and runs his fingers through his hair. "He doesn't remember the most important days of my life... of _our_ life. He's forgotten the day Daniel was born... He's forgotten everything that was important to him... He's forgotten our _whole_ life together, you know? And it..." his voice breaks a little, "it hurts _so_ _much_... I don't know how I’m supposed to deal with something like this."

Scott has seen Jackson in all kinds of states by now. He's seen him desperate, angry and broken down, but he had never seen him so utterly sad and devastated as he looks and sounds right now, and it breaks his heart even more than before. He can't really imagine how he would feel if this had happened to him.

"I'm not gonna say I know what you're going through, but you _are_ strong. You've overcome terrible situations, and you'll get through this. You need to give it time." Scott isn’t sure that Jackson is actually listening to him.

"You know what I miss the most?"

"Do I really wanna know?" Scott smirks.

Jackson nudges Scott. "Not that." Jackson shakes his head. "Well, that too," he smirks, "but not that." His smirk disappears as he looks down at his hands. "I miss waking up next to him. I miss his stupid texting when I'm at work. I miss finding him cooking dinner when I get home. I miss his endless babbling after a movie, I miss his scent in my clothes, and I even miss our idiotic arguments."

"I can't believe you miss his babbling," Scott jokes.

"Me neither..." Jackson shakes his head as he smirks wryly, "but I do. I really do."

Jackson looks up at Scott. "He said he's coming back to the house because he wants to remember, but there's something about the way he said that..." He crosses his arms. "I don't know, it's like he has no choice." He rests his face on his hands over his legs. "I'm scared, Scott." He sighs. "I'm terrified," he mutters.

Jackson licks his lips. "Don't get me wrong, this is what I've been waiting for since that day, you know that, but I'm not sure he's ready to be there. I'm not sure it's the best thing for him anymore. I'm afraid he's going to feel trapped and he'll leave."

Scott isn’t sure if Jackson is crying, but he puts his arm around his shoulder, rests his hand on his arm and squeezes lightly. He doesn't know what to say because he has no idea either about what may happen, but if anything he's sure that being positive is the only option right now.

"Jackson, listen to me. He's _not_ gonna leave. You know him. He's persistent and he's stubborn. He came out of the coma, didn't he? And he can be a pain in the ass who won't stop until he gets what he wants, and if he wants to remember, he will remember. And even if he doesn’t, he's your mate. There's a bond between you two that will never be broken and he'll feel it, sooner or later he'll feel it and there's no way he'll leave you, Daniel, and the baby."

Jackson lifts his head and looks at Scott. There aren't tears, but his eyes are red. "I hope you're right." It's all he says.

"I am. I know I am." Scott hopes he sounds as confident as he wants to.

Jackson then remembers what he meant to ask before, "I needed to ask you. Does he know? Did you tell him about the baby? I'm not mad if you did but I didn't tell him."

"Uhh... yeah, we kind of did. Sorry, he figured out that we were hiding something."

Jackson nods. "It's okay. I didn't know how to start that conversation anyway, so maybe it's better this way. You can go see him if you want. I'm gonna go and take Daniel home. It's getting late and he's got school tomorrow."

"That's good." Scott removes his arm. "He misses you guys."

"Yeah, I know." Jackson runs his fingers through his hair and shakes his head. "Things just haven't worked out like I thought they would. It's been too long."

"But it's over now." Scott pats Jackson’s left leg right before he gets up. "You need to look ahead."

And Jackson thinks about how ironic that sounds, because even if the coma is over a new challenge has just begun, so it is definitely not over.

Jackson gets up, too, and Scott gives him a proper hug this time. Somehow Jackson has learned over the years when he needs him, and he's thankful that he can always count on him. He's not sure how he would’ve dealt with this whole mess for three months without him, Danny, or the sheriff... not that the pack hasn't helped as well, but it's not exactly the same.

"Okay, go home. I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Allison I'm gonna stay for a while," Scott says when they separate.

"I will. See you." Jackson turns around and heads down the corridor towards the parking lot.

 

* * *

 

Scott enters the room and Stiles is watching the news. He turns down the volume as Scott closes the door.

"Watching the news?" Scott says as he approaches the bed and sits on a chair next to it.

"Yeah, I figured I must’ve missed some important stuff but my head is already about to explode after one conversation with Jackson, so I'm gonna turn it off."

"Yeah, I saw him. He's not sure it went too well."

Stiles snorts and kind of laughs, too. "You might say that."

"He told me you're going home." Scott tries to lighten the mood. "Your home, I mean," he clarifies.

"Yeah, what other choice do I have, right?" Stiles spreads his hands.

Scott is taken aback for a moment. "Stiles... you do have a choice. You can go to your dad's, you can stay with Allison and me as long as you want, and you could even live alone... but you _have_ a family of your own now and they need you. And whether you want to believe it or not you need them, too. Besides," he says as he runs his fingers through his hair, "I have no idea what Jackson would do if you didn't go home." He's not sure if he should actually be saying this; he doesn't want to betray Jackson's confidence, but at the same time Stiles is his best friend and because of everything he doesn't remember Scott’s not sure Stiles understands how things can actually affect a werewolf.

"I mean, he's already afraid you're gonna push him away and leave him if you don’t get your memories back, and the thing is..." Scott tries to put his thoughts into words the best way he can, "he's also a werewolf so, I haven’t experienced this myself but his wolf, he has a need to protect you, to take care of you, and if he couldn't do that, I don't know what would happen."

Stiles seems to be considering his words, so Scott continues.

"Stiles, Jackson is _not_ human, and his instincts definitely aren’t human either. When you didn’t let him touch you, his wolf obviously lost it, and his wolf wouldn’t leave your side for three months either, because his mate comes before his children... That's just how it is. I don't wanna pressure you or anything, but you should know that."

Stiles looks away from Scott. "Sorry," Stiles sighs, "everything is so confusing. It doesn't feel _real_." He looks back at Scott. "The best way I can explain it is that it feels like a dream. I'm dreaming and suddenly I'm going to wake up and all this will have been just a nightmare."

"You're not dreaming." Scott rolls his eyes and smiles. "You know what? Count the fingers on your hand."

"What?" Stiles says, frowning.

"I said," Scott points at his left hand, "count the fingers on your hand. Just do it."

Stiles does as he's told for once. "Five, okay. Happy? This is idiotic."

"See, you're _not_ dreaming." Scott says matter-of-factly. "And it might be idiotic, but it's something you used to do... I'll explain that another day."

"Counting fingers? Are you kidding me? I think you can save it, I don't even wanna know."

"Fine by me." Scott says, lifting his hands.

"When Jackson left before, I was wondering..."

"Yeah?" Scott tilts his head.

"I wondered..." Stiles licks his lips, "when Jackson and I started becoming friends or whatever the hell we were... how did you react?"

"Well, when Jackson became part of the pack... I mean, _for real_... he used to hang out with us more outside of the pack meetings and all that stuff, but it wasn't until after the kidnapping that he started to kind of... _change_." Scott seems to consider how to continue. "He became a better person, I guess. It was still very much him, don't get me wrong, he didn't become a saint or anything, but you could see that he actually cared about the pack and about you."

"So you two were friends." It’s more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah, we were starting to be, more like a work in progress I guess. But I gotta tell you, he's good at hiding his feelings and I didn't know he was interested in you. So that part... yeah, it caught me by surprise." Scott can't help but smile as he remembers that time.

The truth is that a part of Stiles is dying to know what happened and the other part is embarrassed to find out.

"So you had no idea? About _us_ , I mean." Because that's hard to believe somehow.

"Nope. But it didn't take long for me to figure it out. Because you, on the other hand, aren't good at hiding things from me." Scott smirks.

"Did I tell you?"

Scott laughs at that and Stiles imagines that's not how things went. Does he really wanna know?

"Uhh... no... you definitely didn't tell me." Scott smiles as he removes the hair that had fallen over his eyes once again. "We used to play games every Friday at your house, but that week my dad called me and I went to have dinner with him--"

"Your dad’s back?" Stiles interrupts him, obviously surprised.

"Oh yeah... shit. I forgot you didn't know about that, either. I'll just add it to the 'for another day' list, okay?"

"Sure." Stiles raises his arms in resignation.

"Anyway, so we changed it to Saturday. Then when I got to your house on Saturday you didn't open the door and I knew your dad was at the sheriff’s station but there were two heartbeats inside so obviously I didn't know what to think. I rang again and you finally answered the door and then, there was just one heartbeat inside."

"And?" Stiles says, getting impatient.

"You smelled like sex," Scott says with a grin, "and Jackson. His scent was all over you." A laugh escapes before he can stop it as he remembers Stiles' face. " _That's_ when I knew."

"Oh my god." Stiles hides his face in his hands. "Shit."

"Jackson came over and you totally forgot I was coming later." Scott grins. "Like I said, you suck at hiding stuff from me."

"Well, in my defense I'll say that it's almost impossible to hide things from a werewolf. I'm not surprised you found out." He just wishes it hadn't been that way.

"Allison is better than you are, that's for sure."

Stiles has to roll his eyes at that. "Why am I not surprised? She's an Argent."

"But, seriously, how did you expect me to react? At first I was only a little upset because you didn't tell me anything but no, I honestly wasn't surprised you two got together. Nobody really was."

Stiles doesn't know what to say to that. He looks down at his hands as he touches the ring.

"You know," Scott continues, and Stiles can see that he's trying to find the best way to explain what he's thinking, "he and Lydia, I don't think they had the healthiest relationship. I know they loved each other, even more than some people thought, but they weren't good for each other and that's why they broke up in the end. So, your relationship... it worked out because you were good for each other. As simple as that. He fell in love with you and yes, you fell in love with him and that was it."

Stiles looks up at Scott. "You make it sound so simple."

"It _was_ simple. After I found out, Derek and the whole pack knew about it and it was okay, it wasn't a secret or anything."

"And my dad?"

"No. At first he didn't know. You joked that if he found out he'd send you back to Eichen House," Scott says grinning.

"Yeah," Stiles nods before shaking his head, "no idea what that means, dude... for the 'another day' list?

"Sure." Scott nods. He looks at his watch and he realizes it's really time to leave. "Allison’s waiting for me so I better get going, but I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He gets up. "Is there anything you need?"

"No, thanks. My dad is coming soon. He said he didn't want me to be alone and he wanted Jackson to go home." Jackson's home, which is also Stiles’ home. He still can't get over how weird that sounds.

"Okay." Scott comes closer and squeezes Stiles’ arm lightly because hugging him in this position seems too awkward. "Try to sleep. See you tomorrow."

"I will. See ya."

As the door closes, Stiles shuts his eyes and thinks about all the conversations he's had today and how confusing the situation feels right now. He's tired, though, and it doesn't take long for him to fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

When Stiles wakes up, he immediately recognizes the guy sitting on a chair next to him.

"Danny?" His voice a little hoarse.

"In the flesh. Sorry I couldn't come yesterday, but I wasn't in town."

Stiles frowns. "Wasn't my dad here?"

"Yeah. He left for work when I got here. He said Jackson called him an hour ago. There's been a problem with some important client who needed to talk to him right away and he agreed to go to the firm for a couple hours. Now, tell me, how’re you doing?"

"Uhh..." Stiles grabs a glass of water close to the bed and drinks a little. “Not great?" He puts the glass back.

"Yeah, stupid question, I guess. Jackson told me. Still, it’s good to see you back in the world of the living. What's a little memory loss, right? You'll get it back. You're gonna be okay." Danny has always thought that being positive is the best way to go, no matter the circumstances.

"It's not a _little_ memory loss. It's almost _half_ of my fucking life, Danny," Stiles snaps.

"It was a joke, Stiles. A really bad joke. Hospitals make me uncomfortable, I'm sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through. I only know what everybody else has been going through, and when I see you here awake and talking, your amnesia doesn't seem like such a big deal in comparison. That's all."

"I hate hospitals, too, believe me. I wish I could go right now."

Danny nods because he's afraid of saying something wrong again, so Stiles continues.

"What did Jackson tell you, exactly?"

"Just that you were awake but you were suffering from amnesia. He was pretty messed up. Honestly, I didn't think he was up to answer any questions. I just want you to know that I'm here if you need anything."

"Danny..." Stiles hesitates, "I know this is gonna sound stupid, but... are we friends?"

Danny smiles, "Yeah, of course we’re friends."

"I just thought maybe you were here because, well, you're Jackson's friend, y’know."

"Well, he's my best friend, but you’re my friend, too. We've been through a lot. And I know you must be wondering, so yeah, I do know everything about the supernatural. You don't have to worry about that."

Danny thinks he can see some relief in Stile's face. "Of course you do." Stiles can't say he's surprised; Danny’s always been a smart guy.

"I didn't know Jackson was a werewolf right when it happened, but I knew they existed in this town."

"Well, I gotta say you're really good at pretending. You had everybody fooled."

Danny snorts. "Just another of my many amazing qualities, I guess," he says with a smirk. "But no more talking about me. I'm here to help you fill in the blanks. So ask me whatever you want. Shoot."

Stiles is silent as he considers what he wants to ask, and the question is out there before he thinks about it twice. "Did you know Jackson was gay? Or bi? Or whatever? I mean, you're his best friend, so if anybody’d know, _you_ would."

Danny didn’t see that coming. "Okay... yeah, I always thought he could be bi. He never told me, if that's what you mean, but yeah, I kinda knew."

"Really?" Stiles frowns.

"Yeah, when you know him like I do, he's not that difficult to read. I knew that if he liked some guy he'd totally go for it. You know, he thought he was everybody's type. I just..." Danny smiles because hell, talking about this so many years later is a little weird. "I guess I didn't expect it to be you."

"You didn't?" Stiles shakes his head. "Of course you didn't." Stiles starts babbling again, "Why would you? We never got along, I had a crush on his girlfriend." He waves his arms. "For god's sake, he even had a restraining order against me! All this doesn't make any sense." No matter how much he tries to believe it, to make sense of all this, this reality just doesn't match anything he knows.

"All that stuff is true, but it's not that, okay? I’d never seen him with a guy, so I thought his type would be somebody..." Danny's not sure what the best word is.

"Hot?" Stiles suggests.

"Popular, I guess." Danny frowns. "I don't know."

Stiles nods because, yeah, that makes sense. Those days, everything was about being the best, and to be the best you need to be with the best.

Stiles frowns, and Danny can sort of imagine what he's thinking.

"Stiles, you're the hottest guy walking this earth to Jackson." Danny grins as he remembers. "Actually, I don't know if it's his wolf or what but he can get pretty jealous, and it drives you crazy sometimes." He snorts and chuckles. "There was this one time he slept at my house after you had an argument over some guy that works for you. It was so ridiculous... oh my god, you guys... and another time I know he ended up at Scott's.” He shakes his head. “You don't have a boring life, that’s for sure."

Stiles raises his eyebrows. "Jackson, jealous? Seriously?"

"Oh, yeah. One hundred percent. You can't tell him this, because he'd probably rip out my throat with his teeth... but he's the most insecure person I know. I guess it started when he found out he was adopted. He's always had this need to prove he's as good as the rest, if not better, you know? I'm pretty sure you tell him you love him all the time because he's the kind of person who needs to hear it. He _needs_ to feel like he's the best husband, father, lawyer he can be, so the idea of his mate checking out somebody else... yeah," he nods, "it drives him nuts." He smiles.

"The good news," Danny continues, "is you got used to it. As much as I’ve seen from your relationship, you've been able to handle it... That is," Danny smiles and waves his arm, "most of the time. And I've always given you kudos for that, because not everybody would’ve been able to do it. I'm not sure _I_ could it."

Stiles is silent, and Danny thinks he might be realizing that everything he's saying makes sense.

"I remember the day he told me he wanted to ask you to marry him and he felt that he needed the _perfect_ proposal or you might say no." Danny shakes his head, "Right," he snorts, "like you were gonna say no."

"The truth is he never thought he was good enough for you. He thought you might leave him when you found somebody else... someone better than him. So I bet he's afraid you might leave him now that you don't remember that part of your life."

Stiles can put two and two together and get where that jealousy comes from.

Danny runs his fingers through his hair. "Jokes aside, you're one of the most well-adjusted couples I know. And if anybody can get through this, I know it's you guys."

"Are you married? Or... are you seeing anyone?"

"Nope." Danny shakes his head. "Free as a bird. It just hasn't worked out for me, I guess." He gets up and rests his right hand on Stiles' shoulder. "That's why you have to work out. You’re my role models." He pats his shoulder.

"Well," Stiles spreads his hands, "in that case, I'll do my best to get my memories back," Stiles jokes. "I'd totally hate to disappoint you."

"Thanks." Danny grins. "That's a winning attitude." Danny pats his shoulder some more. "Coach would be proud," he says with a wink.

"I'm ecstatic that you approve, Danny-boy. Just ecstatic."

Both Danny and Stiles smile, and somehow Stiles can feel that they have indeed become good friends over the years. It's easy talking to him, and he's not so sure that he'll feel the same way with other people.

Stiles touches his cheeks and chin. "I need to take a shower and probably shave."

"Jackson’s been doing it... Shaving you, I mean."

"He has?" Because his brain can't really picture _that_ image right now.

"Yeah, he likes you clean-shaven. He can be a little _compulsive_ about that. But I know you can also be a pain in the ass sometimes, so it's not like you can complain."

The thought of Jackson shaving him every day feels a little weird, but it’s also comforting. To know that Jackson's been taking care of him every day since the accident seems to prove that what everybody’s saying is true. Jackson does love him. And Stiles likes the idea of somebody feeling that way about him, even if it’s Jackson Whittemore. He's just not gonna tell anybody that.

"Well, he's not doing it today. That's for sure,” Stiles says as he crosses his arms.

Then there’s a knock on the door, and when it opens it's Jackson who enters.

"Hey, Danny.” Jackson says as he walks towards them.

“Hey, man, I thought you’d be stuck at work.” He pats Jackson's shoulder.

"Yeah, me, too. I got out sooner than I thought."

Danny looks briefly at his watch. "I'm glad you're here. I need to get to a meeting and I didn't want to leave Stiles before you came back."

"That's okay, you can go." Jackson smiles and pats Danny on his shoulder. "I'll call you later."

Danny gets closer to Stiles, rests his hand on his shoulder and squeezes lightly. "Don't believe anything he says, he just wants to get into your pants." He smiles mischievously.

Stiles sighs and rolls his eyes as he shakes his head, "Everybody wants the guy who’s been in a three-month coma. Totally hot."

"You're _hilarious_ , Danny," Jackson says as he nods and crosses his arms. "Don’t you have to go?" He smirks briefly.

Danny spreads his hands and walks towards the door. "Yeah, yeah, I'm going." He exchanges a glance with Jackson at the door. "You take care of the patient."

"I'll do my best." Jackson has a sad look about him that reminds Danny just how fucked up this situation really is.

 

* * *

 

Jackson leaves a bag he was carrying on the small table in the corner, and once Jackson has helped Stiles go to the bathroom and he has eaten some breakfast brought by a nurse, Jackson sits in the seat that had been occupied by Danny.

Once again, ‘awkward’ would be the word Stiles would use to describe how he feels when he's alone with Jackson (and that’s still a pretty big understatement). When Jackson stares at him like he's doing now, Stiles feels uneasy and he wishes that he could change that.

"Well, so what do you want to ask me?" Jackson spreads his arms.

Stiles snorts, "Are you kidding? I have so many questions I feel like my head might literally explode into tiny mushy disgusting pieces, which I’m not sure insurance covers, so you better be makin’ the big bucks at your lawyering or whatever.”’

Stiles freaking out is not good, and Jackson needs to stop it. "Why don't you just take a deep breath, think, and ask me the first thing that comes to your mind?" Jackson proposes with a calm voice.

Surprisingly, Stiles actually listens. He sighs, closes his eyes for a few seconds, and opens them again. Then he shrugs. "Okay, why did you ask me out?" he asks quietly.

"What do you mean?" Jackson smiles, so it can't be good.

"Just what I said, _why_ did you ask me out?" he repeats bluntly.

Jackson raises both eyebrows. "Why do you think I asked you out?"

"Let's see, I don't know..." Stiles rakes the fingers of both hands through his hair before resting them on his shoulders, "How about because we’re freaking married?"

"Well, I didn't ask you out, okay? That never happened."

"Okay, then tell me, how the hell did _this_ happen?" Stiles says as he points to his unfamiliar ring. "Because you told me we became _friends_ , and that's all very nice but why did we, y’know..."

Jackson frowns. He seems to be considering what to say.

"And don't tell me it's too early to talk about it or some other bullshit, okay? Just tell me already."

And it's not like Jackson doesn’t want to talk about it; he just doesn't see the point at the moment when Stiles has no feelings for him and all this is just gonna be awkward for both of them. But it seems there's no way out of it.

"Okay. Since you never let anything go." Jackson rests one leg over the other as he tries to get more comfortable in that chair he's so tired of. " _You_ started it. I mean, officially, you started it when you kissed me."

Saying that Stiles is surprised would be the understatement of the century.

"What?" Stiles raises his eyebrows. "I kissed _you_?"

"Yeah, _you_ kissed _me_ ," Jackson says quietly.

"How?" Which was not at all an appropriate response.

Jackson tilts his head and looks at Stiles like he's grown a second head.

Stiles closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I mean, when? Okay? What happened?"

Jackson licks his lips as he looks at Stiles and considers how to start this. "Well... we used to go to the movies sometimes when we got sick of gaming or couldn’t think of anything else to do, usually with the pack but not always, so it wasn't really a _date_."

Stiles raises his eyebrows again, and Jackson would laugh at his expression if this conversation was about something else.

"Stiles?" His voice is stronger now.

"What?"

"Do you really wanna hear this or not?"

"Yeah... yeah... It's just..." He bites his lip for a second, "the idea of you and me..." he points at Jackson and himself, "going to a movie alone together... I just can't... I have a hard time imagining that not being super weird." He sighs.

"I'm sorry." Stiles apologizes. He's not sure why, but he feels like he has to. Probably because deep inside he knows it must hurt Jackson, and it sucks to hurt someone who cares about him.

"Well, it happened." Jackson says dryly. "Many times. Things had changed."

"Obviously," Stiles says matter-of-factly.

"Anyway, we were in the theater, and when the movie was over, you just looked at me and you kissed me, that's all." Jackson averts his eyes from Stiles. "That's what happened." There is a lack of emotion in his speech... like he wants to detach himself from the memory. He hasn’t given that many details because no matter how many details he gives, Stiles isn’t going to remember it. And it was a special moment for them; he remembers every detail and he doesn't like talking about it like it was just a kiss, something that Stiles can't even imagine happening right now.

Stiles is thinking about what Jackson just said, and Jackson imagines that he has no idea what to say.

"What movie did we see?" Stiles asks suddenly.

And what kind of question is that? Jackson looks back at Stiles, "Does it matter?"

"I just... I wanna know." If he remembers it. It does matter.

"Okay. It was the sequel to Captain America. So what?"

"Oh my god, I wanted to see that movie so badly... Was it good?" And that's Stiles being Stiles. Some things never change.

"Yeah, you loved it. You've seen it a lot." Jackson smirks. "I've actually watched it more times with you than I watched The Notebook with Lydia." Jackson smiles, like he does whenever he remembers that. "You can see it when you get home if you want."

"Awesome." Stiles smiles; he's obviously in a better mood. "So, how was it?"

"What do you mean?" Jackson has totally lost track of the last topic.

"You know. The kiss." Stiles shifts awkwardly, avoiding Jackson’s eyes.

And Jackson is sure what he wants to know, but he's gonna make Stiles suffer... just a little.

"It was okay," he says in the most nonchalant way possible.

"Okay." Stiles is obviously not happy with that, even if he’s trying to hide it.

"Yeah, it was _fine_ ," Jackson says in a detached tone.

"Fine." Stiles imitates Jackson's tone.

Jackson spreads his arms, "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know." Stiles shakes his head. It sucks so much that he can't remember his first kiss with a guy... with his fucking _husband_. He's not sure if Jackson gets that right now. "But..." And this is so embarrassing. He has no idea how to ask this without making a complete idiot of himself.

"What did _you_ do?" He winces, bracing for Jackson’s response because he’s pretty sure it’s not going to be very flattering.

Jackson is actually starting to feel a little bad about this. "I didn't reject you, if that's what you mean. I would’ve never done that." He can see a little bit of relief on Stiles' face, something that Stiles probably wasn't aware of. "But yeah, you were kind of scared. Later you told me you’d wanted to do it for a while, but you weren't sure how I’d react. And the thing is, I wanted to kiss you, too."

"Seriously?" Stiles licks his lips, and Jackson gets distracted for a moment.

"Yeah, we were _both_ idiots about it." Stiles doesn't say anything, so he continues. "Anyway, since you want to know, and god only knows what you’re thinking," he smiles, "it wasn't awkward, it was good." He closes his eyes for a second as he remembers. "After I got over the surprise, I opened my mouth and… and you, like… you basically _attacked_ me. In a good way. And of course I did the same thing and it was... pretty intense."

He looks up at Stiles, who’s a little flushed, which is good. Jackson loves that, despite everything that's happened, he can still do that to him. "You're a surprisingly good kisser, Stilinski.” Jackson still calls him that sometimes when they're alone. What used to be a cold way of addressing Stiles somehow became affectionate over time.

Stiles genuinely smiles at Jackson for the first time since he woke up. Stiles can't deny that he experienced a strange reaction from the way Jackson said his name. Their eyes meet and Stiles can feel a connection there that he never would’ve expected. He's not sure what it is exactly, but he knows it's not his imagination. It’s like… _déjà vu_ , maybe? Something familiar but impossible to put his finger on. Stiles wonders if Jackson felt it, too, and, like it’s someone else’s thought, he finds himself wondering what it would be like to kiss Jackson.

Stiles is silent for a minute before he tilts his head and speaks again. "Could you tell me about the night of the accident?"

Jackson looks up at him. "Why?" He's thought too much about it for the last three months, and it only brings pain.

"That's the night when things changed. Seems like the logical place to start."

"I don't know... but, okay." Jackson doesn't feel like arguing about something he's gonna end up talking about sooner or later. He's just gonna try not to get too emotional about it, if that's even possible.

"I'm not sure how much your dad and Scott told you. Daniel was having a sleepover at Scott and Allison's. We do that most of the time when we want to be alone," he clarifies. "A lot of stuff had come up lately and we hadn't been out in like two months so we were really looking forward to it."

"Anyway, we went to L'Altro. It's like your favorite Italian restaurant, you love their desserts. You were wearing this blue suit that I like... You looked really hot," he says with a wry smile.

Jackson isn’t looking at him, he's staring into space as he remembers, and Stiles can see how difficult it is for him to talk about it. He can't help but feel a little bad for forcing the issue.

"You thought the food was awesome... and you finished my pizza as usual. You ordered your dessert and before it arrived I told you you were gonna be a dad again and you said 'oh my god' like three times and 'seriously?' like two times and you were just so happy..." Moisture pricks at the corners of his eyes before he can try to stop it. "You had this big smile..." There’s a hitch in his breath. "You just got up and you kissed me." He closes his eyes for a few seconds as he remembers the feeling. "Then you grabbed my hand," he looks at his right hand, "and you said 'I love you so much.'" his breath hitches again."'You make me so happy.'" Stiles can see his tears well up and spill over as he continues, "And I said 'I love you, too.'" Jackson rubs the back of his hands against his eyes and tries to compose himself as much as possible. He can't let his emotions get the best of him, he’d promised himself he wouldn't let that happen in front of Stiles, but he's obviously failed.

Stiles opens his mouth. He wishes he could say something, but nothing comes out.

"So, you had your dessert and we headed back home.” Jackson manages to regain his composure as he continues. “I was driving because I'm always the driver when you've had some alcohol. And around five minutes later, a drunk guy with no license crashed into us," he says bluntly.

"I remember calling to you after the crash, but you were unconscious. You had cuts on your face and you were bleeding. I was bleeding, too, but I got my phone and called an ambulance before I called your dad. I didn't move you in case you were injured, but I could grab your arm and take some pain away until the ambulance arrived and they took you to the hospital."

"I'm sorry," Stiles says quietly, looking at his hands.

"Why?" Jackson frowns.

Stiles glances at Jackson, "I'm sorry you went through all that and I don't remember anything. I wish I could remember," he says, looking away.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, okay? It's not your fault." Jackson tilts his head. "Stiles, you could be dead and instead you're here... alive. That's all you have to think about." He huffs a sigh and fixes his eyes on Stiles. "You know how they say that when you think you may die, you see a light or you see your life flash before your eyes? Well, none of those things happened to me, I just closed my eyes and all I saw was you. Just you." His expression is gentle with a penetrating gaze.

That same sentence could’ve been the corniest thing Stiles has ever heard, but just the way he said it, with so much honesty in his voice, it’s nothing but heartfelt. Their eyes meet and Stiles feels something in his gut that’s bewildering and exciting at the same time. And something tells him that he's felt this way before.

"C’mere," he mutters.

"What?" Jackson is obviously confused.

"Can you just sit here?" Stiles pats the space on the bed next to him and Jackson obeys.

Jackson isn’t sure what to think until Stiles carefully takes his hands in his. Jackson looks down at them and then at Stiles' face. He’s closed his eyes. There's a low, steady spark and Jackson can feel their bond as strong as it's always been. It calms his wolf, and he feels at ease for the first time since the accident. In the back of his mind, Jackson is anxious that this is fleeting, and temporary, and that in a moment it’ll be gone. So he clings to every second of the contact, willing it to stay, to last.

Stiles doesn't know what to do with this feeling he doesn't remember. It’s overwhelming and awesome at the same time. It is definitely weird… but the good kind of weird.

After a few seconds he opens his eyes and looks at Jackson.

"I needed to know what it felt like..."

Touching him, Jackson gets it. "And?"

Stiles smiles. "It's weird, I guess... but it feels... it _doesn't_ feel wrong." He intertwines their fingers. "It feels _right_. I'm sorry I didn't let you before. I know it wasn't cool, so... yeah, I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter. I can work with ‘not wrong.’" Jackson is hopeful for the first time since this whole nightmare started. "I love you... and everything’s gonna be alright. We can do this. You'll see."

Stiles smiles. Somehow he believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> * Please let me know what you think... 
> 
> Some people are finding now this series (July/August 2016) so if you are one of those people, please still comment on this chapter and more if you have a few seconds. I'd love to know what you think.


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